Expression of Self
by Prince Adam
Summary: It's too late. Slim's seen the bindings. "You're a girl," Slim will say, "stop pretending to be a man."


Slim is too tired to remember to knock on the bathroom door before he enters.

George is too tired to remember to lock the bathroom door before he takes off his shirt.

"Jesus Christ!" cries Slim, turning away and slamming the door behind him.

It is too late, George knows. He's done for. Slim has seen the bindings, and Slim is no fool. Slim will work out the truth. He'll be out on the streets within minutes. "You're a girl," Slim will say, "stop pretending to be a man."

Hands shaking, George adjusts his bindings. He buttons up his nightshirt, his sweaty hands slipping on the tiny buttons. His life is over. He will have no job before the day is out. This time Lennie will not be able to come; this time they won't be able to run. The boss will probably marry him off to one of the ranch workers, and he'll be forced to wear dresses —

George is frightened. He has not been frightened for fifteen years. But today he has been found out. His life is over. He'll be subjected to torture for the rest of his life. How can he pretend to be a woman when in his heart he knows he is a man?

He may not have the penis or the flat chest to prove it, but he knows so deep down that this is who he is. He is George Milton.

 _You can't stay in the bathroom forever_ , a voice in his head says, and George knows it's true. His hand closes around the door handle, and he presses one ear against the door. There is no ruckus. The bunkhouse is quiet. Has Slim shown mercy and, rather than wake all the other ranch workers to announce that their new workmate is a girl, gone straight to the boss?

George opens the door. Slim is sat on his bunk, seemingly deep in thought. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't even think there'd be someone in there. It was thoughtless of me."

"Mmh," says George. What sort of game is Slim playing? Why does he have such an innocent tone to his voice? It doesn't even sound fake. Maybe Slim should give up his job and become an actor. He'd be good at it.

"No, really," presses Slim. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"Whatever," says George flatly. "I don't know what game you're tryin' to play, but I ain't fallin' for it. Can we jus' skip to the part where you tell me I'm canned? You don't have ta pretend to like me. I know what you're thinkin'. I ain't stupid. You found me out. Congratulations. An' now you know, I can't work on the ranch no more. So jus' keep your mouth shut while I pack, awright?" George is jumping to conclusions, he knows that, but it's the only conclusion he's allowed himself to prepare for. Who would accept him?

"George," Slim says calmly, "jus' tell me one thing. Are you a man or a woman?"

"A man," says George irritably. He sits on his bunk, facing the wall so that Slim can't see any of the emotions that are surfacing on his face. "Go on, I dare you. Tell me I ain't right. But jus' hear me out. It's like — like I was born in the wrong body. I can't tell you how I know I'm a man. I jus' _do_. It's like a gut instinct. It's somethin' I've known since I was seventeen." He stops as his voice breaks. There are tears in his eyes, his body shaking. He's so fucking desperate.

There are warm hands on his shoulders, offering comfort and support. "If you're a man, why, then there's no reason for me to try an' get you canned. Not that I would wanna do that," adds Slim, the bed sinking as he sits down.

"What — you mean you really don't mind? You're letting me stay?" George bursts out, bewildered. He turns to face him. There is nothing but sincerity on Slim's face.

"Of course," says Slim. "Your secret's safe with me, I promise."

George lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. Everything's okay. Everything's okay.

Slim's eyes have a flash of a twinkle in them, but it disappears within seconds, leaving George wondering if he'd imagined it. Despite his best efforts, George falls asleep in Slim's arms, finally safe from the hatred and rejection he'd feared.

Slim gently pulls the covers over George's sleeping form. He moves the hair from his eyes with one finger and stands up. "You're safe," he says quietly, without meaning to. "You're safe with me, I promise."


End file.
